Sports Movie Review: Bloodsport

I saw the end of a movie last night on TV that I think just came out. It’s called Bloodsport. Seen it? It actually came out in 1988, but I think it needs to be revisited.

The reason it needs to be revisited is because I first saw it when I was about 11 or 12 and thought it was great! I’d like to change that opinion. I hadn’t seen the movie in years and apparently forgot how utterly ridiculous and stupid it is.

Frank Dux (this is actually based on a true story. And when they say “based on a true story,” it means that they actually used the people’s real names) goes over to Hong Kong to fight in the Kumite, an underground MMA fight club of sorts.

Side note: You can see actual facts here. Frank Dux says that he entered the Kumite to try to infiltrate the underground hoods who were running the tournament. He says initially they were going to have him lose, but that he competed and won and eventually became one of the best fighters in Kumite history. He also says it was held in Jamaica, not Hong Kong. Oh, and there are many people that claim that he made the whole thing up. He has, what he claims to be, the 1975 Kumite trophy. Many say that he ordered it himself and picked it up. So, Bloodsport is most likely based on the events that occurred inside Frank Dux’s head.

So, anyway, yeah. He goes over there for this tournament. But not before training! He even trains to fight blindfolded. But why? When would you be in a fight where you couldn’t see? Waste of time, right? Nope! When he fights Chong Li, played by Garry Shandling, Li cheats (I would have never pegged him a cheater, total surprise in the movie) and crushes a white pill into dust and then throws it right in Frank’s face! Noooo!

Photo Caption: Chong Li says, “You are next!”

But before the big fight at the end, Dux is confronted by two U.S. agents who say it’s time for him to get on a plane and head back to America. A Chinese policeman even shows up to make sure he goes with them. The agents (one of which is Forrest Whitaker…seriously) then pull out tasers (because Dux beat up the Chinese police guys that tried to get a hold of him. That’s so Frank Dux). They go to tase him, but WAIT! Dux grabs a trash can lid and the tasers ricochet and hit two more Chinese police officers. Frank then grabs the tasers from the confused U.S. agents and coyly says that they’ll have to wait for him to get on that plane. He has business to attend to! Such a great and realistic scene. That happens all the time.

So if the movie couldn’t get any more stupid, there is the whole issue of the fight choreography. I haven’t seen choreography this horrific since I was in a first-grade play about why it’s important to read books. These are world-class fighters, right? Not one of them learned defense? Isn’t that the first thing they teach you in fight school? Apparently not. It’s ok to stand there and get your ass whooped. I have a feeling that the real Kumite would be more like MMA and less like WWE.

And it doesn’t need to be said that there is a girl of interest to Dux and he also has an American friend who got beat up badly by Chong Li. Dux has to avenge his friend’s butt-whooping! There is also some good old fashioned 80’s movie music that you can hear in the YouTube clip.

Overall rating: D+

In MMA August 19, 2008

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