There can only be one

By Perry

I’m sure we have all seen the NBA commercials where they show one side of a player’s face matched up with another player’s side of the face. It kinda looks like the movie cover for Face Off with John Travolta and Nicholas Cage. You know, that one. It’s kinda weird. Ray Allen’s side will blink, but you can only see his one eye, so the other half (Ben Wallace) won’t blink. I guess we could call that a wink? Either way it’s awkward looking and I feel like I’m watching Sloth from Goonies tell me how great the NBA is.

How can they make it more awkward? I have some ideas. Let’s match up some players that really wouldn’t mesh well together. The players are usually matched up if their teams are playing against each other, so what if Cleveland plays Detroit next round?

Suggestion One: Rip Hamiltons right side and Delonte West’s left side. Rip is wearing his mask and it’s fogging up on one side. Delonte’s ugly face with the burn mark on his lip is exposed on the other. It kinda would look like The Phantom from Phantom of the Opera, but with a burnt lip.

Suggestion Two: What if the Lakers play the Spurs? Match up a white guy with a black guy, why not? Lamar Odom’s bald head matched up with Manu Ginobili’s balding head? Just for giggles they actually rotate the full head exposing Manu’s bald spot to give it the full effect. Even better, Pistons play Spurs, and Rasheed Wallace is matched up with Manu. Same thing, they start to rotate the full head and Sheed’s stress mark and Manu’s bald spot are matched up perfectly.

Suggestion Three: What if the Utah Jazz end up playing the New Orleans Hornets? Let’s stick with the rotating theme. Tyson Chandler and Carlos Boozer are matched up together. However, only Boozer starts talking because Tyson can’t read or speak well. So, instead of talking Tyson starts slowly turning his head towards Boozer’s half till he’s looking right at him. That would kind of be weird? intimidating?

Do you guys have any ideas? I’m going to be doing an all-NBA mailbag when we get to the final four teams (requested by Dan), so shoot me some emails with your ideas @ mperry_77@hotmail.com. If you can’t hold back and want the OTR world to know, feel free to submit them in comments. Here at OTR, we will do anything for comments.

Random thought: I would assume Sam Cassell can’t be matched up with anyone? I guess you have to have certain features match up. Howa bout Tayshaun Prince and Sam Cassell? The only thing uglier than that would be matching up former Cleveland Indian Don Mossi’s right side of his face with…well…with his left side. I better keep that quiet, I’m sure Don can hear me.