Perry’s Mailbag: Long Overdue

By Perry

Over the past two weeks my hotmail inbox has been completely flooded with emails. I haven’t had the time to reply to all of them because of numerous amounts of dates with so many different women. It seems like every night I’m going out for sushi, or steak, or getting a hotel in the city, or attending a Flyers game with my VIP tickets. It’s a life that sounds glamorous and it does come with its rewards, but sometimes I need my alone time. So, tonight I will spend my alone time addressing the emails from my fans, friends, and disgruntled athletes.

Aminu Timberlake, Kentucky: Love the blog, Perry. Tell Micah I said hi. How come nobody remembers me? If Christian Laettner doesn’t hit that shot at the Spectrum in Philadelphia, do you think people would view him differently? In that same game, he blatantly stomped on my chest with his foot. In this day of age he gets tossed from the game and nobody is talking about Duke winning the 1992 National Championship.

Wow, is that still bothering you? The readers probably don’t know what we are talking about, but maybe we should remind them with this youtube clip. The best part of this clip is Laettner saying, “And you know the next time I look up, he’s standing right underneath me.” Emmitt Smith couldn’t have said that any better. Christian, you looked up to see someone standing underneath you? Do you realize you actually looked down to see someone lying underneath you? How’s that Duke education treating you? Anyway, Aminu, keep in touch buddy.

Justin Timberlake, Tennessee: Perry, did you get that #25 Kentucky jersey? I autographed it for ya and sent it DHL about a week ago.

Yeah man, I appreciate it. Do me favor and don’t tell Aminu that I had you autograph his jersey. You know how he gets, kinda sensitive. He’s still hung up on that Laettner thing. Oh, and tell Jessica Biel I said hi. She left her bathing suit over here the last time you guys visited. I tried it on and it doesn’t fit me. I actually tried it on a couple times. Five times to be exact. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Thanks again.

barry, Philadelphia: Your such loser. Frauds post and the jimmey rollens story keeping it real good. Way to blowed up a rumor thats false. Look at your site, no coments. None coments you loser fraud. I bet paid you friends to coment page on this articles. Oh, sorry I misspedled a word. I’m not some fancy righter like you are, you are, your fraud. Nobody is reading your lame site. No coments = no readers.

barry, I really don’t know what to do? I don’t understand one thing you are trying to say or type or what? And I think I’m over the limit on Emmitt Smith jokes.

RJ Umberger, Philadelphia: Perry, how awesome am I?

Probably the best. Right now I think we could get away with tearing down Rocky’s statue and replacing it with one of your own. I know Brian Campbell knocked you silly in the 2006 playoffs, but make sure you, Danny, and Marty get him to come here next year.

Pat Burrell, Philadelphia: Perry, how awesome am I?

Probably the best. Right now I think we could get away with tearing down Rocky’s statue and replacing it with one of your own. Keep that between you and I.

Blue Collar Comedy Tour, Redneckville: Perry, how awesome are we?

You guys suck. I’ve never laughed once. Not once.

Josh Howard, Cloud Nine: Dude, you won’t believe what I did today. It was so funny. So, I got up and got high. I have nothing to do right now. I don’t even have a coach, but, okay…I got up and got high and filled up a huge bowl, a huge bowl of Apple Jacks. It was huge, so big, so good. There was still a little milk left in the bowl, the big bowl that I’m using, so this time I put Pops in it. I love Pops. The corn things. So then I played Grand Theft Auto for like, for like, for like…oh man it’s so funny, so for like…what? Oh yeah, so I played Grand Theft Auto for like six bowls….bowls?….I meant hours. Oooowwww Eeeerrz. Man, I need some chocolate. Oh, I think I have beanut putter in the fridge. Did I say beanut putter? I should make a sammich. I love sammiches. Dude, Dave Chappelle is sooooo funny. Wait, what was I gonna do? I should put on a movie. Wu Tang bitch. Dude, I’m hungry. Who’s ordering food? What the hell is going on? Man, I’m freak’n high. I played Grand Theft Auto for….like…..for…..like…..for…..like….for….for…for. Fourteen. Fourteen hours straight. Who’s making me a sammich? Damn this weed is good. Dirk’s a funny name. Dirk No Weeds ski. Weeds ski. Yeah, pack it up Bubba Chuck. Who’s packing it up?

Josh, remember when you said, “If you can do it and it’s not affecting your everyday life, why stop? If I’m able to do it, but not while I play basketball, it lets you know I can quit whenever.” Here’s some advice, QUIT! Marijuana makes you lazy. You played lazy in the playoffs. Coincidence?

Jason Taylor, Miami: Did you get my other emails? I can’t believe Bill Parcells ignored me a couple weeks ago. Why do you think he ignored me? The Dancing with the Stars thing? I’ve given this organization a lot. I’ve been a Dolphin since 1997. Miami’s the only NFL organization I’ve played for. And he just pretends I don’t exist. Six-time Pro Bowl selection, NFL Defensive Player of the Year in ‘06, and Walter Payton Man of the Year Award in ‘07. I think I’ve represented this organization the best I could. Perry, help me out here. Why do you think he is acting this way?

Chris Henry, Cincinnati: I f*cked up again.

You sure did

Suzyn Waldman, New York: I tried sending this a couple times, but your inbawx was full. Your inbawx was full. Oh my gawd, they were coming right bawk to my email bawx, because your inbawx was completely full. They were coming right bawk. Oh my gawd.

Oh my goodness gracious!!!!!

Dan, OTR comments: I went outside and played some basketball today. You could write about that! I scored 8 points, which was better than what LeBron James did last night!

Were you playing that each basket was worth one point, or two? What were you playing to? Either way, good stuff. By the way, Jason Taylor keeps emailing me. I don’t think fancy feet gets it, so if he calls you looking for me, just tell him I’m away or something.

mark, Philadelphia: Im not barry. I dont even know a barry…..or a mark. your blog suks frauds. no coments = no readers.

We couldn’t have done it without you, buddy!

Thanks again for all your responses. I’ll try to post this segment at least every other (other, other?) week, so keep the emails flowing. If you want your question, suggestion, or comment posted, shoot me a line at mperry_77@hotmail.com.

In Perry's Mailbag May 7, 2008

Comments

4 Responses to “Perry’s Mailbag: Long Overdue”

Lindsey on May 8th, 2008 11:29 am

I missed the mailbag! You made my day
Dan on May 8th, 2008 3:25 pm

Good to have the mailbag back!
Neetz on May 9th, 2008 8:07 am

Perry’s Mailbag is the best. Josh Howard sounds like alot of my friends from college. None of which are professional athletes?
Josh Howard on May 9th, 2008 10:52 am

Perry, I want to ask you… uh… ask you… uh… what? I have no idea what is going on right now. Hell yeah, foose ball is a great idea! I love foose ball more than anything in the world. Ice cream while playing foose ball? Oh man, that is even better! I’m so glad I don’t have deal with the playoffs, this is so much more fun.

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