July 3, 2008
So I’m one of those losers that watch the hot dog eating contest every year and right now I’m anticipating this year’s showdown more than the premier of the Greatest American Dog. In all of this fanfare I actually try and read up a little bit and get the latest news, like Kobayshi jaw problems from last year, but in this research I came across an incredible line written in an article on foxnews.com. Here’s the lead to the story:
Takeru Kobayashi of Japan smashed the world record in 2001 and was unbeatable for more than half a decade until America’s Joey Chestnut became the new king of all tube steaks at Coney Island last year.
I thought “the king of all tube steaks” distinction went to Pete Wentz, who called himself “half gay” while still managing to lay seed in a Simpson sister.
July 2, 2008
FIFA has just released their latest world rankings and the U.S. dropped 9 spots to 30th in the world. They currently sit just behind the Ivory Coast and Ukraine. Luckily, I hold the key to solving this long sought after riddle of why the U.S. is piss-poor at the world’s game. We just need hotter fans.
July 1, 2008
Alex Rodriguez and Jose Canseco are two men who differ in many ways. One is at the height of his playing career, while the other is broke and embroiled in a post-career controversy. One is a Hall of Fame bound superstar, while the other is struggling to stay on reality tv. One plays for the Yankees, while the other last played for the Long Beach Armada. However, with all of these differences it’s tough to overlook the apparent similarities between two men at each end of the baseball consciousness:
Background
A-Rod and Canseco both grew up and played high school baseball in the Miami are before being drafted out of high school. Rodriguez was a highly touted prospect, but both went on to join the 40-40 club of which only four men are members. While both are members of this exclusive fraternity, one cannot overlook the best remembered highlights of their respective careers.
Signature Embarrassing Moments
First, let’s talk about Jose and the highlight that is banned from youtube by MLB. You know the highlight I’m talking about, so we’ll just say he fucked up worse than Heidi when she pissed off LC. As for A-rod, we’ll just say that he resemble either of the Hills duo with his limp-wristed slap in the ALCS.
Penchant for Playboy
Last Summer there was the Stray-Rod scandal involving a girl who was only good enough to be on Cyber Playboy. Apparently he tried to step it up a notch and get a girl that was actually in the mag, too bad it was Jose’s wife. I bet part of you wishes that happened, I can see them now as some guests on Maury because they are definitely too high profile for Jerry.
The Material Girl is En Vogue
Now, the two have one more thing in common, an obvious relationship with Madonna in which both are denying having sex. Madonna has proven over the years to be more of a nympho than Heather Graham in Boogie Nights.
Jose has already proven to be a little nuts with his appearance on Surreal Life, but A-Rod starting to seem a little too Tom Cruise for myself as a fan and L. Ron Hubbard has no place in pinstripes. Here is the inevitable headline: A-Rod and Madonna Form Scientology-Kabbalah School In Africa.
July 1, 2008
A Sarajevo post office was robbed of $1.1M on Sunday after security guards were taken by surprise as they watched the Euro Cup final between Spain and Germany. Like a scene out of Heat, men stormed the building and made off with the, while also beating the stunned security guards in the process. So, first they surprise them, while they aren’t doing their job, then they beat them. They got kicked, while they were down worse than Britney Spears in a child custody courtroom. I also want to know how a post office had $1.1M, did they have really rare stamps?
June 30, 2008
Floyd Landis lost his last appeal in keeping his 2006 Tour de France title. To tell you the truth, I care about cycling about as much as Tila Tequila cares about “Fucking Ya Man.” Basically, I just needed a reason to post this video and show Floyd that he might have a future with Keystone Light in bringing back a truly transcendent advertising campaign.
June 29, 2008
As you revel in a day of laying on the couch and probably some jacking off to Mel B on the Singing Office, here is this week’s wrap-up.
Awful Announcing - John Daly Teeing Off Atop Kid Rock’s Budweiser Can
Coed Magazine - The Babes Of Wimbeldon
Tirico Suave - The Sports Movie Slow Clap Hall of Fame
D.C. Sports Bog - Morning Look: Four Portis Costumes!
Cuzgoogle - Favorites To Win Miss Universe
The Sports Hernia - Legendary Foreign Draft Prospects Of The NBA
The Money Shot - Hollywood NBA Lottery Mock Draft
June 26, 2008
The Ultimate Warrior returned to the ring last night for the first time in 10 years among various security threats. Upon hearing of these apparent threats, Warrior said, “Bring it on — with all of the frustration and mishaps that happened in Spain, that will give me an excuse to kill someone and get away with it.” I just love the idea of him having a blog, it’s like giving a mental institution a radio station. It might be the best entertainment on the internet next to his countless old school interview videos on youtube.
As for the match, Warrior was victorious over the NWE Champion, Orlando Jordan. He then promptly state that he wished to vacate the belt. When is this guy going to be back on tv. I just want to hear some commentary on him from the Soup.
June 26, 2008
I saw this on Deuce of Davenport this morning and it just made me laugh as hard as I did last night watching Baby Borrowers. Chase Stuart from pro-football-reference.com has updated his list of the worst quarterbacks of all-time with Big Joey at the head of the class. He gives the former Duck a little credibility by saying, “To be clear, Joey Harrington probably isn’t the worst quarterback of all time in an absolute sense. But in terms of being so far below average, but far enough above miserable to earn more playing time, Joey Harrington hurt his team more than any other QB in NFL history.” Wow, Burn.
June 25, 2008
So, the lack of posts is do to a lot of laziness and the fact that I will be heading down to the cathedral that is Yankee Stadium tomorrow to catch the first game of the subway doubleheader with the Mets. This will be my first trip to Yankee Stadium so I’m about as pumped as Kobe was to win a BET Award. Anyway, I think it’ll be a great time to see some true baseball history because I’m a baseball nerd like that, and I’ll be sure to get some pictures of Yankee fans going off on Mets fans some apparent reason that no one is aware of.
The other thing I wanted to mention was that last night on the Shot at Love 2 Reunion special, Sirbrina confirmed the news on the air that I broke weeks ago.
June 22, 2008
As you revel in a day of laying on the couch and probably some jacking off to Leslie Stahl on 60 Minutes, here is this week’s wrap-up.
Busted Coverage - College World Series All-Porn Name Team
The Big Lead - Look Out, Natalie Gulbis, Here Comes Perry Swenson
FB Kid - RIP “Pacman” Jones
The World of Isaac - 10 Things The PGA Tour Can Do To Increase Attendance
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- The King Of All Tube Steaks
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